Suga, suga, how you get so fly?

My heart is heavy. The world is a dark and miserable place. People are basically shits, and there is no hope for future generations.  My children will grow up in as demoralisingly shallow, superficial and cut-throat a world as any poor sod before them. And Lord Sugar is an evil little man with bad designer stubble and a god complex.

Yes, Junior Apprentice is on the TV.

One of the candidates looks so doped up I’m not sure she’s even aware of being in the room. I strongly suspect she imagines she’s lying in the arms of Justin Bieber on a beach in Thailand.  There’s a curly-haired English Rose cherub, who looks very much like he plays the cello and/or flute and spends long periods at school with his head wedged in the pristinely clean bowl of an Eton bog.  Then there’s the obligatory Scottish lass who carries the appearance – and haircut – of someone plucked (against all odds) from Sighthill estate. She turns out to be disappointingly shrewish, as expected.  Perhaps she didn’t make the cut for The Scheme.  There are more ‘children’. I need not elaborate.

So will my kids grow up thinking this is normal; for parents to encourage their offspring onto such depressingly unpleasant programs?  Will they believe that if they fail to measure up to Sugar’s exacting standards that it’s OK; mummy and daddy can always punt them in the direction of ‘Britain’s Got Talent’, or ‘Junior Ice Skating Business Child of the X-Factor Generation’?  Will they ever learn to play chess, or think it’s a song to sing at auditions of the latest ‘talent’ extravaganza (perhaps ‘A Search for Jerry’ on ITV7)?

Alan Sugar has just referred to one of the kid’s CVs as a ‘res-you-may’.  Ummm…if he’s the echelon of all that is holy in the business world, please let our children become beach bums, professional footballers and/or burlesque dancers. At least John Terry’s got a cheeky grin and Dita Von Tees some kudos. Sugar’s one saving grace is….er…let’s see now….it’s…a….um…nope.  Nothing.  Not one singleeffingthing. The man is a complete and utter swine and now he’s gunning for our teenagers.  About which he apparently knows bugger-all; he’s just said “You are a very special person” to a twelve-year old, on national TV..!  That boy will never be able to show his face in the playground again.  He’ll be caught in an Inbetweeners hell of “Ooooh…special!  You’re so special!” every time his teacher leaves the classroom unattended to fetch a dumbbell.  If this poor child thought when he got his Junior Apprentice call-up that he’d seen the inside of his last toilet bowl, he was sadly deluded. God help the poor, rosy-cheeked, little fag (no-one else can now).

I might just allow my children absolute, free rein if they will only promise never, ever to set foot near a reality TV show set.

Rosy-cheeks just got fired, by the way.  Not that special, then…


2 Responses to Suga, suga, how you get so fly?

  1. Ha ha we both commented on the ‘resYOOmay’ what was that all about? Weird weird man!

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